Nitrosamines & Chlorophyll

 

I build gallows on the train platform

and slit my wrists when I shave

I press your fingers to my windpipe while you fuck me

to sneak a sample of oblivion

I burn sex down to the filter

inhaling miasma from your lips and tar from your sweat 

I play at godliness and strike sparks on my dried-out heart

and it balances when I fall

I wake the next morning

tragically alive and more tragically responsible

I leave the house with stomach empty and eyes glazed over

to pretend at faith until noon

I give barely of myself all afternoon

riding between destitution and boredom

I act like I know which I’d prefer but I know I don’t

because I want to leave for the day out a fucking window

I see myself in my sisters

my wives and my friends

I give them scraps of flesh for fear of being whole

and so you can keep some piece of me when I am gone

I fall in love

again and again and again and again

I live for you all

again and again and again and again

I know which window I’d use.

You find me broken and tarnished

and place your hand gentle in mine

You take my lighter and a violet blooms in its place

wilted and frail and draining

You give freely of your grace

working patient and devout

You slice delicately ‘cross my pomegranate chest

and sweet scarlet syrup pours into my roots

You are bleeding me into myself

an ouroboros of life and pain

You rip up weeds and burn the detritus to cinders

and I lie charred and bloodied in that field

You return the next morning

almost before the sun does

You have brought friends to till the land and cast the seeds

I remain buried in that soil warm and wet

You cut open your lips

and kiss blood into that spot

You lie down in the dirt where I am interred

and fuck my soul back into me stealing from Flies

You nurture my roots

day after day after day after day

You watch me bloom

day after day after day after day

A lonely blood-red violet shoots up from the earth

 

 

{A poem by Leona Maria with editing from eri lucia kapling}