I got new glasses a day after I signed up for HRT
and my eyes are still adjusting to the new prescription.
I can’t see my knees and calves as I shave them
and the TV screen across the room is still blurry.
The internet says my eyes could take two weeks to adjust and estrogen costs around $70
but at least I can still drive to work.
I wish I could see clearly and skip forward two months to my appointment
and the frames squeeze the sides of my head too hard.
I see my laptop screen well enough and I see my face become more like my mother’s
and there are eight dollars in my bank account.
My life comes into focus
then out
then in again.
I’m overwhelmed
and under-stimulated
and anxious
and calm.
The voice that escapes my throat feels at once like my own and a stranger’s
or an old friend’s
or a child’s
Waiting
and waiting
and waiting
and waiting
and waiting.
The world falls apart as I build up my little hovel
and pretend to be more like myself.
I live for the first time
and die for the last.
{A poem by Johanna Maria}
